Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my being single is dangerous.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
