after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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