garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I FOUND THE LEGS
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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