Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
