I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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