i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
