believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
