After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
