She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Everyone says I win the strip club
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
