Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
