i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
