I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
