Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
