In the future we'll all be gay
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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