Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
