so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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