I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I have already put on my inside pants.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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