9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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