my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
