oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
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Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
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i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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