She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
