Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
