I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
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two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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