they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
