I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i think my cat just said my name.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
