the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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