you traded sex for a burrito?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
