speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
