If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
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also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
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Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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