dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
