i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I could fuck to npr.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
