I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
