so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
