So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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