He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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