I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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