I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
where am i from again
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
