I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
