I'm going to rape someone's good day.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
