also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
