Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
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I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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