So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
