If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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