david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize