the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
