i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
