It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
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I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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