Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
