We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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