what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize