Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize