You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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