i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
