I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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