Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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