dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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