He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
