cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
operation have a gay friend backfired
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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