If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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