Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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