Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
